How to Negotiate … for Girls!
We’ve all heard the depressing statistics about men making more money than women. Men have all kinds of tricks up their sleeves for earning more, like institutionalized sexism and golf. But there’s one manly trick that women can use to their advantage, too. It’s called negotiating!
That’s right, ladies, negotiating is not just for men. It’s a powerful tool that can get you to the next level of badass boss-lady-ness.
Step One: Enter confidently.
You know that scene in “The Devil Wears Prada” where the elevator doors open and Miranda Priestly is wearing those expensive sunglasses and you just know she can get whatever she wants? That should be you! Before you enter any negotiation setting, take a deep breath, do the power pose you heard about from that ted talk, and then walk into the room with confidence. If you’re feeling a little nervous, pop two Xanax and go to the bathroom three or four times. Now, don’t you feel better? Get in there, girl!
Step Two: Know what you want and double it!
When naming a salary, most men ask for truly insane amounts of money and then get negotiated down. Did you know that it’s not uncommon to ask for up to two thousand times the going rate? For example, let’s say you agreed to design your best friend’s wedding invites for free, but you’re not quite making rent this month. Tell her that you won’t do it for less than fifteen thousand dollars. What’s the worst that could happen? She says no and Jean gets to be the maid of honor instead? Not a chance. Everyone knows that Jean would plan a terrible bachelorette party. You’d probably end up painting mugs or some garbage like that.
Step Three: Whatever you do, don’t cry.
When you were in elementary school, crying sometimes helped you get your way. This is not true in business settings. You have got to hold it together. Take another Xanax if you need to. If your boss says something that makes you feel undervalued, just clench your fists and transform those tears into assertive rage. If you absolutely know that you’re going to cry, hide a bag of chopped onions somewhere in the room. That way, when you start blubbering, you can point to the onions and everyone will understand that the onions made you cry and not your stupid lady emotions.
Step Four: They said no, but do they mean it?
As women, when we hear “no,” we assume that it means no. That’s why women are so rarely assaulters or murderers. But sometimes, in a business negotiation, men are doing a funny trick where they lie to your face and say that they can’t possibly afford to pay you more. How can you tell when they’re doing this? Here’s a tip: look around. Are you in a fancy office? Are you talking to a man in a fancy suit? Did someone offer you coffee when you walked in? If you answered yes to any of these questions, they can probably afford to pay you more and are just doing their cheeky little lying thing.
Step Five: Be prepared to walk out.
You’ve asked for a lot, they’ve said no, and you pushed back. Congratulations! You’ve successfully negotiated. Now, if they’re still saying no, it’s time to turn around and walk away. Don’t worry—they will stop you at the last minute and tell you that you can have everything you wanted. Maybe they’ll even run after you and as the elevator doors are closing, they will say “Wait, you were right and we were wrong. You were so strong and not crying. We’ll give you all the money to be our C.E.O. Just please don’t leave!”
Step Six: Grovel and take whatever they offered you.
Did you make it all the way downstairs in the elevator without them chasing after you? Well, it seems that just this once, negotiating did not help your situation. It’s time to go back up in the elevator and take the crappy offer they gave you. But aren’t you proud of yourself for negotiating? And didn’t all that Xanax make you feel like you’re O.K. anyway? We’re glad we could help!
source : newyorker.com